A View from the Other Side.

Tags: new mom, married

One evening I had to run to the store for a quick purchase and happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I literally stopped and stared. Who was this drained, tired-looking woman with messy hair and a disheveled appearance? I looked away quickly because frankly I didn't look like me. At least that's what I thought. There was a time when I wouldn't think of stepping out of the house without at least a dab of lipstick and heels (yes, heels – every time because I was very conscious of being petite). I wasn't necessarily vain; I just wanted to look decent. Well, times have changed and having a baby is an event you're not prepared for even if you think you are. For one, it's incredibly isolating. Let me explain.

Having a baby and becoming a mother is certainly one of the most wondrous and singularly emotional experiences of your life. You see this tiny little creature so utterly delicate and dependent on you that instantly your parental instinct kicks in and you fiercely devote yourself to the care and nurture of your baby. The first few weeks are especially hard but wonderful too in ways I can't even explain. You're zoned out from lack of sleep and exhaustion but seeing your baby blossom is a richly rewarding experience. It fills you with the determination to do whatever it takes to makes your baby healthy and happy to the exclusion of everything else. Friends and family take a backseat as you build that special bond with your little bundle. But even the most devoted of us would like now and then to get out of out of the house and go out with our girlfriends or have our girlfriends visit us. Many women, married or unmarried, think that women with children have it made. We have accomplished our ultimate raison d'être as women because we've given birth. So we're complete and don't need any other stimulation.

But, reality is quite a bit different from perception. Our days are long and exhausting and we sometimes think wistfully of the carefree days of the past when we were free to do as we pleased. Most of us are secretly envious of the glamorous lives our less-encumbered girlfriends live. If you ran a poll most of us would love to have a day or evening out to have dinner and drinks with friends, particularly girlfriends. Speaking of girlfriends, why is it that women desert their friends who have had a child? I have been guilty of doing this myself when my friends had babies. Now that I'm on the receiving end I truly feel bad about not giving new mothers more of my time before. I never hear anymore from my old neighbor who I used to hang out with often (we used to joke that we were the only ones holding out about having a baby). She is busy golfing and vacationing and being "free", as she likes to say. Obviously she has decided that I have "left the club" and no longer need company. I wonder if she thinks that we don't have anything in common any more. C'mon, really?! She is so wrong. Yes, the first months of motherhood are particularly intense and we have little time for anything else other than feeding and taking care of baby. But slowly life returns to normal and most of us would love to go out for a drink sometimes, just for a little break now and then. Having a baby doesn't mean we have stopped living or having fun. We do miss out old lives and the company of our friends. In fact, having a baby sometimes feels like we're cut off from the rest of the world. And that feeling is even stronger for those of us who work from home and miss the stimulation of getting out of the house and meeting people. So I say to those of you who think that we've got it made as mothers, think again. While we feel incredibly lucky to have become mothers and our children bring us the greatest joy in life, we are also sometimes envious of the footloose and fancy-free lives all you single ladies live. So pick up the phone and give that girlfriend of yours who's a new mom a call. Chances are she'll be grateful for a chance to catch up on all that's happened since she was "gone", trust me.