Singles vs. Marrieds: The Great Divide
5 Things I Wish Married People Understood

Tags: single, married

No matter how tight you are with your girl, if she’s married and you’re single, there’s going to be some tension from time to time.  What’s up with those smug married ladies? They can be so thoughtless! Or maybe we single girls are just too sensitive…

Time to get to the bottom of this.  I broached the topic with my bestie, Heather, and asked her to respond to my 5 Things I Wish My Married Friends Understood.

#1. Me:  It’s so hurtful when you say things like, “My husband is out of town this weekend so let’s get together.”  So if your man were in town, dinner on Friday night would be out of the question?  Yep, unless, of course, he was busy with the boys.

Heather:  My intention is not to make it sound like we can only get together when my husband is out of town or out with his boys. The truth is it's just easier when he’s gone because I no longer need to take him (or his schedule) into consideration when I’m making plans. It can be extremely difficult juggling my life to make adequate time for him, our kids, and my friends—not to mention the ever elusive time for MYSELF!

#2. Me: Prattling off your explanation as to why your brother-in-law is still single (he’s too picky and unrealistic) gets me thinking you have a similar theory figured out about me, too. We all have our idiosyncrasies. So you’re saying you have to be perfect to get married? How’d you make it to the altar then?

Heather: When I say this, I’m not generalizing "singleness" as a whole. I’m truly just addressing my brother-in-law’s particular situation. Yes, I believe single people are capable of sabotaging their relationships. And so are married folks! I agree having a ring on your finger doesn’t mean you’re without idiosyncrasies. However, the fact is there are some singles out there who are completely unrealistic and want total perfection before pursuing any relationships. I’m talking about them, not you!

#3. Me: Quit complaining about your husband’s snoring and how he hogs the bed. It’s hard to have sympathy when my bed is way too quiet and empty. Find a married friend and gripe about this stuff with her. Leave us single girls out of it. We just think you’re being ungrateful.

Heather: Just because you walk down the aisle in a white dress on a lovely spring day doesn’t guarantee you’ll live happily-ever-after. I know you single gals don’t want to hear it, but marriage is a lot of work and sacrifice. We need to vent about our husbands’ annoying habits just like you need to discuss how your last date neglected to pick up the bill. It doesn’t make us ungrateful, only human.

#4. Me: Do NOT whine about finances! You have two incomes. I have one. Simple as that. And if you only have one income, it’s because your husband makes enough money to let you stay home and play on Facebook all day. Oh wait, I know your kids take up a ton of your time and money, but if you didn’t feel the need to buy them a new Wii every month, you might have more dough.

Heather: Yes, we now have two incomes this is true. However, we also have double the bills—two cars, two kids, two dogs, etc. Gone are the days of trendy restaurants, whirlwind vacations, and $200 jeans (you just had to have them). Now I get to use the bulk of my salary on astronomical childcare expenses, ridiculous grocery bills (men eat a lot!), and home repairs. I’m now responsible for a family as opposed to just my individual needs and whims.

Karin’s note: Girl please, you spend way more on your jeans that I ever do!

#5. Me:  Please stop telling me your stories of how you snagged your man. “Well, one day I realized I had to truly love myself first. And I made a vow to be happy with or without a guy. The very next week I met Rick.” Wonderful! That’s fantastic! But I’ve been happy for 20 years (sometimes with a man, sometimes without one) and yet I’m still single. Your formula hasn’t worked for me so quit acting like as soon as I get on board with your magic mindset, my Prince Charming will show up.

Heather: I know it's going to be a shocker, but not all married people are out to make their single friends feel humiliated and miserable. Sometimes we simple don’t know the right things to say when we see our friends hurting or unhappy. Our silly stories of how love can go right are our way of encouraging you to stay hopeful. Of course we don’t possess any magical insight as to why love hasn’t happened for you. We’re struggling for that understanding right along with you.

Heather’s note: Girl please, you know I’ve never said something that asinine to you. I know better!