We've heard the case, and we still aren't settling (and neither is she, by the way)

Tags: single, marriage, book review

Part I:  Eggs.  Who’d have thought they’d make or break us?

Settling. As a single woman, if you’re over the age of 25, you’ve probably been tempted (or encouraged) from time to time to chuck the hunt for Mr. Right and hunker down with a Mr. Good Enough. And recently, you may have felt even more pressure to move in this direction due to the cogent arguments presented by Lori Gottlieb in Marry Him! The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.

Wow. What a perspective.

Yes, Gottlieb does her research. Yes, she’s an engaging and compelling writer. And yes, her message is sobering.

Gottlieb posits many women fritter away our marketable years (20s and 30s) due to our unrealistically inflated egos convincing us we’re way too fabulous for lackluster rapport with so-so fellas. By the time we get over ourselves and realize we’re not quite as exceptional as we may have thought, we’ve reached the disturbing age of 40.

What’s wrong with 40? Nothing except 80% of our eggs are fried.

As a 40-year-old single woman, I read her book and felt, well, something akin to clinical depression. I’m not a fan of Prozac. So in lieu of medication, I took action.

I immediately texted a guy I’d recently met with whom I’d felt a “whatever” connection. After four dates we’d naturally parted ways, but upon digesting the news I better settle or die alone, I figured I’d jump back in and fan the flames of this uninspiring affinity, just in case. Gottlieb had me convinced I’d NEVER meet anyone EVER again.

Okay, wait. That’s not fair. Gottlieb didn’t say I’d NEVER meet anyone EVER again. She just stated that as a woman of 40, I could only hope to secure men in the age range of 50 to 60 because all the 40-year-old dudes want women in their 20s or 30s who can effortlessly procreate.

So that’s all I’m worth? My eggs?

But maybe she knows things I don’t. At 43, Gottlieb has made a foray into this next decade and now presents me with a new reality. Apparently, I need to adjust—realize that though up to now I’ve always had plenty of boyfriends, the shelf-life on my eggs has reduced my desirability factor dramatically. And every 42-year-old guy out there prefers a 25-year-old Lincoln Park Trixie to me—all because of the threat to my withering eggs.

Ouch.

Yeah. Well, I don’t buy it. Sure, some men simply want trophy brides with 25-year-old nubile wombs. But frankly, I doubt I’d be attracted to a man like that anyway. And true, many men would like a biological heir, but other men would prefer spending their lives with right woman. Figuring out the kid situation comes second. And believe it or not, there are guys out there who don’t plan to settle either.

Oh, and as for what happened with Mr. “Whatever” Connection? Stay tuned. Part two of this blog post is coming soon: "We’ve Heard the Case and We’re Still Not Settling: Settlers vs. Non Settlers."